She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
im on a boat
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