can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
