I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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