im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
