I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
