I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
