R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS