Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There r osticjed everywhere
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"