I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are