when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
