i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
