Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
