Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
