mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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