I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
