I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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