I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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