apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
