so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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