The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize