I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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