I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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