Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
