I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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