You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
its not stalking. its research.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
