and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Randomize
