You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
