Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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