i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
