BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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