I wanna bring you to show and tell
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
