i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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