dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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