420 ftw
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
