I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And then he peed in my hair
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