Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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