You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
