Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You work out of a Hotel?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
