i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
