i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
