okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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