Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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