I can text with my tongue
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
