Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have aggressive nipples.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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