Your dad touched me again.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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