Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
