My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
