Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
