btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
