Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
