you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
