Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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