the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
