Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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