I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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