tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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