This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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