I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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