The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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