If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
