You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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