Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
