I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
