I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
