i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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