You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
