Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
