Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
