I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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