I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
