When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
