Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm getting married
To pizza
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
