Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize