I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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