I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found a bag of teeth...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
