Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
