Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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