try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
