Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
