sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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