Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
