dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
