At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
