the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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