My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
